He hates crying in front of people, because they all expect him to be strong, and they say strong men don't cry. No, not physically strong; he's short, fat, and frail, and even if he tried, he could never be physically strong. They expect him to be emotionally strong.

"That's Doze," they often say, "and we love him because he's always there for us. If we need to cry, we go to him, and he lets us, and for that we love him. He keeps us stable, because he keeps all our secrets and he himself never cries."

He detests his own 'strong and happy' facade. Detests it like no other, because, while it bolsters them up to nigh-impossible heights, it constantly tears him down. If they knew his true colors, his feelings as blue as his own motif, he'd let them all down. Doze partakes in no huge heists, but his friends see him as a hero anyway, because he seems ever so optimistic about the Felt, and when they need a shoulder to cry on, he's always there.

But they forget he was once an actor. Every day, though he has long since left his life in the theater behind, he still acts. He says he believes in the Felt, but he doesn't really think they can vanquish the Crew, and in himself and his own abilities, he holds no faith at all. When his friends spill their dark thoughts and fears, he keeps his verdant eyes dry for their sake, but really, he wishes to sit there and break with them, for they keep such horrible things locked in their hearts, and all that sadness is infectious like a disease. His lies are built on love, but they are lies nonetheless. He hates himself for being as real as a dream.

He is plastic to all of his friends. All except for one.

In front of Itchy, Doze can cry. It's ironic, because Itchy is usually such a rambunctious twit who never bothers caring for other people's feelings, however, even before they were in love, he always made time for Doze. Doze doesn't question it, he gets the vibes that even if he did, Itchy wouldn't answer, and when he needs to rid himself of his weighty emotional baggage, he always goes to Itchy.

Doze shuffles into Itchy's pigsty of a room, little tears twinkling in the corners of his huge eyes like watery jewels. He would normally bicker about Itchy's room, about the blotchy coffee stains on the threadbare rug or the pile of filthy laundry skulking in the corner, but when he's this miserable, he can't be bothered. He just sniffles, his little shoulders shaking, and whimpers Itchy's name.

"God dammit, Doze." When Itchy answers, he tries to sound angry, but it doesn't work. He gets up from his seat on his bed and gently pulls Doze towards him. The embrace is protective and firm, but lovingly gentle.

They go over to the bed then and curl up together beneath the covers. With his face pushed into Itchy's bony chest, Doze cries and cries.

Itchy, becoming uncharacteristically patient, strokes Doze's back and hushes him, tells him everything is going to be alright. He cups Doze's face in his hand and turns it upwards so that he may kiss the tears off his lover's round cheeks. Smiling down at Doze, he caresses Doze's face, still dampened by his tears, with the back of his hand, and then kisses Doze's soft, full lips.

When Doze pulls away he is smiling, and then he wraps his chubby arms around Itchy and pushes his face into the other man's neck. He sighs heavily, the sound soft and shaky.

"Itchy," Doze's voice is quite and breathy, just barely even a whisper, "make love to me."

So he does. And it feels wonderful, because even if Itchy isn't perfect in bed, he's Itchy, and Doze adores him just for being himself. When Doze's walls begin to crumble, Itchy is always there to fill the cracks, leaving them stronger than ever before. There is nothing he loves more than being with Itchy in these intimate moments when they share with each other things that they'll never share with anyone else.

While they lay there together, Doze forgets that he's ever felt sad. As long as this man is beside him, he'll always be alright. He isn't the Felt's little Atlas who carries everyone's pain on his shoulders, and locks away all their secrets.

He's just Doze. He's just Doze who loves Itchy with all his heart, and that is all.

That is all it ever should be.